Formula of Dating
If you’re not a game player, you might think that dating should just be a natural, free-flowing process. That’s true to an extent, but if you want to have success when it comes to meeting and dating women, you do have to spend some time and effort thinking about what you want and the best way to go about getting it. This isn’t playing games or being calculating in a bad way, that’s another article entirely. It’s more of a process of gaining clarity about what your expectations are and how you should behave in order to have a better chance at creating a dating life that is both fun and fulfilling.
This should happen immediately, as it will form the basis for your dating formula. Sit down with a pen and paper and brainstorm a list of all of the characteristics you would like in a woman. When you can’t think of anything else, make a second list of the things that turn you off or that you would find absolutely intolerable in a girlfriend. Once you have your two lists, you are going to break each one of them down into two more lists. The list of characteristics you want will become a list of characteristics that are absolutely non-negotiable; for example, you might decide that you are not going to date any women who don’t have a great sense of humor, because you know that you could never be happy with a woman who doesn’t know how to have fun. The second thing should be traits that would be nice, but wouldn’t be deal breakers, like wanting to date a surfer. For the turn off the list, break it down into deal breakers, like a woman who regularly drinks too much, and stuff you would prefer to avoid like gum popping, that wouldn’t keep you from pursuing an otherwise great girl.
One of the worst things you can do is trying to force something to work that isn’t right. While being flexible is great, don’t go against your instincts. Even if you love a dozen things about a woman, if you regularly get the feeling that there are things about her that will drive you crazy after a while, you can trust that feeling. You’ve got to fall in love with a person exactly as they are, not their potential. The truth is that you’re never going to be able to change anyone but yourself, and if you enter a relationship with the expectation that the other person will change to accommodate your preferences, you’re going to end up being majorly disappointed.
The less you leave things undefined, the more likely you are to come up against misunderstandings and miscommunications. Real life is not a pop song. Leave the Call Me, Maybe b.s. to the teeny boppers. Don’t play games about communicating, hoping to bait a woman into initiating contact so the burden isn’t all on you. If you’d like it if she did some of the calling, date planning, etc, just tell her. You don’t want to scare her off with a laundry list of how often you expect to hear from her or prefer to see her, but dropping some strong hints is a good way to approach the situation. When you’re dropping her off after a date, you can say something like, “Next time it would be fun to do something you like to do. Why don’t you think about it and give me a call this weekend with a plan?” Unless she is either socially clueless, lazy or not that into you, chances are high that you’ll hear from her over the weekend.
A great deal of the dating drama stems from wild imaginations. If you don’t hear from her over the weekend, give her a chance to explain. Don’t assume that she forgot or was out with another guy. She could have come down with the flu. Her dad might have died. Get the facts before getting upset.
The formula of dating is simple. First, you have to get honest with yourself about what it is you are looking for in a woman. After that, you need to be honest and upfront with the women you’re dating about these same things. The chemistry you experience with a woman is the magic, but the dating formula is the science. They tend to go hand in hand, and it’s hard to get one without the other.